4.14.2006
I first must appologize for complaining in this space so much. I feel as though I have abused my powers. This should be a place where I can express my thoughts and dreams and frivolous things like that, but not a place to constantly run away. I'm sorry my friend.I will try to keep it at a minimum and try to use this place for more than just meaningless complaints and shallow sorrows. I must remember to express my joys as well.
So, I feel it is only fair to start out with a warning. Dispite my efforts to clean up here, I must say this month will be rough. Easter time is not my best time to be around people. I feel terribly anti-social today. Thanks Amanda and Shannon though. They really helped me tonight. I've been easily irritable lately, and I feel selfish. I'm sorry.
How have I been feeling lately? Like the oldest. I feel like the bigger sister, and I don't think I like that, me being the youngest. Was that a complaint? Rather a statement I would say. For now. I can't really go into details tonight.
I wonder if some people really believe all holdidays are just silly cartoon-y marketing days where kids get candy or presents and people get to decorate their houses and yards. I wonder if people really believe that these frivilous things are all holidays are. It's no wonder some people find life meaningless. Who cares about a made-up cartoon bunny, or a pretend old man that dishes out presents. Why are they there anyway? How did they invade people's yards? I wonder if people will ever see past these silly lifeless games and understand the purpose behind our holidays. I wonder...
I came up with a question tonight after listening to the pastor talk about how Jesus was separated from God when he was on the cross. He explained this time of separation so vividly it stung. I'd like to write it down so I don't forget. He told us to imagine the mother who gets a phone call from her daughter who just went to college and asks, "How are you?" and the daughter replies, "I'm okay... I guess." He said to also imagine the widow who wakes up in the middle of the night and leans over to touch her husband, and with great shock instead presses her hand on a clump of crumpled sheets, wondering where he husband is. Imagine the man a store with his little one and becoming absorbed in a book he doesn't realize his child wanders away. The child soon realizes he is lost and cries and wails, completely alone. This was how Jesus was separated from God. Isn't that awful? The second one really made my stomach churn.
Well, I began wondering. Jesus was in the tomb, dead, for 3 days, correct? Then where was He? He couldn't have been in Heaven because at that time He was separated. Mom said there was a place called Paradise, which I gather is much like a Nirvana type place(?), a waiting area. Is that right? I don't quite know how to explain it. But then I was told Jesus went to Hell to battle the devil and release the lost souls. Was that it? All of this inspires me to study more. I don't know if I got all of the information correct because I didn't write it down at the time. I think that's what it was.
There was another thing. The curse of sin is death, so when Jesus died and the dead rose, when happened to them? I always thought it would be odd for Elijah(was that him?), who died and Jesus brought him back the next day. Where was he? Paradise? And when about when he eventually died of old age? Did people wonder if he would come back again? But did he die? Like those others who rose from the dead at the time of Jesus' death, they had paid the price of sin through death, so they didn't need to die again, right? So what happened to them? I think they might have gone to heaven like that one guy did. Who was it? See, I need to study more, I don't remember their names. Well, one man entered through the Gates of Heaven without dying. Remember? This was before people died and went to Heaven because Jesus had yet to pay the price for them on the cross. So did these others enter through the Gates?
I need to go study. This is intriguing.
Just recently I finished Proverbs and Psalms, so now I am reading Samuel. I should probably be going in order though. Proverbs and Psams are my favorites I think. Simple lessons. Really short lectures for some. I like those better than the stories everyone knows. They aren't just stories, but it's just that it seems like everyone knows everything about all of them. I'd rather be taught them, not told.
I think that will be all for tonight. If I continue I think I will start to mutter and complain about some things. Life really isn't all that terrible. I am just irritable.
Can I tell you one little thing before I go, though? I really want to go shopping. I feel bad about it because I bummed a trip with Jill today and went to the mall in Platts, and when to the mall in Pass a couple days earlier. What's wrong with me? I know when I was younger I would get sort of depressed if I went shopping and didn't get anything. I think it was because we hardly ever went and it felt like a trip wasted. I guess that shouldn't matter though. I should be content with getting out of the house. I like to travel, even if it does make me sleeping and qweezy. Am I still such a child that I must fill myself with trinkets and things?
One more little thing. Hiroto is moving to Kobe, Japan. He won't have a computer to write to me and I don't have his address there. I hope he writes me snail mail soon so I can send him letters and his birthday package. Is it strange to feel sad about someone moving, who doesn't even live near you?
That was my moment of dispare for today. Thanks for listening, my friend.
By the way, Happy Un-Birthday Jared. The 6th? Or 7th? I can't remember.
-Lisa
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.::. Lisa .::. 9:15 PM
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4.05.2006
My dad got me a dozen white roses.
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.::. Lisa .::. 10:13 PM
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4.04.2006
Goodnight Sixteen. This is the last time I will be with you. It seems we must part now and continue to grow.I'll keep those memories we made when we were together and soon I'll make new ones to compare. Seventeen is knocking. Can you hear it? I wonder what kind of things it will bring with it?
I will spend these last few hours with you, Sixteen. I will kiss you "Good-bye" and mature without you. I will be grateful to you forever for helping me on my way, but for now I must say goodnight. The guest, Seventeen, is coming to stay for a while, and we must quickly say good-bye so we can let it in.
Tonight I am Sixteen.
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.::. Lisa .::. 10:00 PM
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