4.27.2005
Amanda was a jerk today. I send my hate to her.
Jerk.
I want to slap her right across the face and make her face swell. What happened to her being friendly? She was always laid back, but she's gone too far.
I'm not too fond of "shit." I'd prefer her not to yell it around at lunch. She's told me before, "Slap my hand when I swear; I want to stop."
Jerk.
She flipped out and said it's alright to say because her mom said it was. How childish. She claims that "it shouldn't matter because some idiot just decided one day to make these words bad. Something that comes out your butthole isn't bad to say so shaddup."
So shit is okay with you, huh? But you don't want to say other things? What's the difference to you? Doesn't matter anyway.
It doesn't help with you purposly repeating it in my face with dispise. I watched every movement of your face when you turned to samantha and said the words as she kept her head down.
You are utterly dispicable. Anyone who acts in such a childish manner towards her I could never forgive.
The way you spoke to her about the reproduction discussion was disgraceful. You don't deserve forgiveness. I don't know how I can look at you now. You are terrible. I am willingly filled with contempt towards you.
Other than that, my grandma just called. She's so cute. She forgot to turn the phone off when we were done talking. Silly grandma.
Come home mommy. Feel better.
-Lise
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.::. Lisa .::. 4:52 PM
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4.26.2005
"Just One More Day"
Kami Lee
Just one more day, just one more day. Just a couple hours and it will make one more day. Come on, make it.
Kami figetted in her seat. Her hand was clasped tightly over his mouth and her nails dug into her cheeks.
Just one more day.
She kept repeating this phrase in her mind without bothering to hear the teacher reminding the students of the test the next day.
"Now, now, quiet down. Tomorrow we'll go over the notes before the test but make sure you study my little cherubs!!"
Yes! The bell! I'm still alive!
Home. She made it home. Relief poured out of her mind and a deep breath made the pain go away. Home. Sanctuary.
This is how the average day went for her since she was infected with the illness. No one knew what illness it could be. After a tremendous amount of doctor visits, it was decidced that she was manic depressive and had too much stress in her life.
Disagreeing was all she could do.
"Silly, I'm not depressed. I'm a happy child."
She was told to take pills for her depression that she denied, but did as she was told. Eventually she began to have mad driving nightmars. Ones of death of siblings, those that have deceased coming back to her, and ones of pure hatred.
The days went by and things seemed to improve. She was feeling happier and wouldn't cry every night. Her stomach settled and she was able to make it through the days at school without too much worry. She finally realized that, yes, she was depressed. Depression should not be taken lightly.
Although, eventually she would begin to slip back into her shell of rain and saddness. Back to the doctor again.
"Take a high dosage."
And she did. Once again, she returned to her happy childhood.
But this did not last. It happened again. Eventually she had to take 4 pills of her prescription. This did not help. She had become immune to it.
"I'm taking all of the medicine away. It's not helping and I think it would be best to get rid of all the fake relief."
Gone. All the pills were taken away. Kami then had to go through the withdrawl experience.
She seemed alright for a while, but once again, she was depressed and terribly sick. It was decided it was best for her to stay out of school.
She could not longer make it through just one more day. She had fallen.
The weeks went by and she attempted recovery. Painful tests we done as she tried to keep up with her school work that was dragged out of her teacher's hands.
Another doctor's appointment was scheduled for her the coming weeks. She had actually been improving, to her surprise. Seemed like the stress of school and other such things hadn't been bothering her while she was at home so she was coming back to health. Everyone was so excited when she re-entered the school building that first tuesday back. People she barely knew were shouting her name in the hall letting everyone know that she had returned. What a greeting. She would smile to the delight of being cared for.
She did run into a few problems while she was there but nothing that she couldn't handle. Kami would return home every night to tell her parents of the crazy story of what had happened that day and how teachers could find things to pester her about.
Just when things seemed like they would soon be all better, she was confronted with poor grades, mistakes, confusing, people's mindless stubbornness, her unpuntual teachers, and misleading advice.
In spite of all of this, she made it through. Things were still improving. She met new friends that had recently moved to her town and church which made things all the more bright. She was able to get out with her friends whom she had missed dearly and was able to live again.
Spring break came and it was time to catch up on everything for classed.
This is not how things turned out. Instead she spent most of her days working on things that she believed really mattered. Spending time with her family, learning how to draw, making the best of her youth. She spent nearly everyday with someone she loved, friends, family. Her days were filled with joy and laughter.
She grew in those days. Spiritually, she grew.
She did manage to finish a great amount of her work during break, regardless to her other business. This happened the sunday night before she was to return to school. She was a little worried but she knew she could make it.
"Only 8 more weeks. Just finish the semester."
Though, she was thinking too far ahead. Yes, she made it through the day but with a little trouble. Her mind was cold and her eyes angry. The day hadn't been pleasant.
But she made it through one more day.
The next day, Tuesday April 26, 2005. It started out alright. Other than being exaugsted, she knew she would be able to move on through the day. Excitement filled her stomach. One more week and her sister would return from college. Joy was in her mind. But sadly, this did not last.
Her mother drove her to school as she did everyday and stopped at the post office for Kami to drop off a package for her dear friend.
"Mommy, I don't feel good"
She knew these words would sting her mother's heart, but there was no denying it. She was returning to her ill state.
This phrase was repeated as they pulled into the school parking lot.
"Don't worry about it, hun. I'll come in with you and wait to see how you are." She had done this before on many occasions. The days Kami would try her hardest to get through the day would be the days her mother would wait for her report on her health. Usually Kami would make it through the class and come out at the end and thank her mother for waiting, but this day was different.
Five more minutes and I'll just get up and leave. This is ridiculous. This is torture no one should have to go through.
It was true. She was in some of the greatest torture she knew. Her throat burned in an abnormal way, her stomach twitched with every movement, and in no position could she get her back to stop screaming of twisting ache.
Even through all of this, she stayed in the class not hearing the words of anyone around her. She scratched letters on her notebook in attempt to keep up with the notes. She checked her watch. Ten more minutes. Just ten more minutes.
It was that long until the class ended. That way people wouldn't look at her while she left and make a scene. That way she could hide with no one to find her.
It was the most impossible thing to hope for. It was impossible to wait even two more minutes. She slid her chair back quietly and stood. Yes, everyone turned their heads to see her. Without touching her books or looking at her teacher, she left and room and found her mother waiting for her.
They did as the law required and made their way to the nurse's office. Kami's mother had her wait outside because she knew that having her enter would cause a great amount of stress on her. The goal was to not giver her any more stress than she had already.
The nurse complained and asked where Kami was.
“She’s right outside the door.”
“Well she needs to see me before I can let her go home”
“Should I bring her in?”
“No. Go to the office and sign her out. Tell them you’ve seen me.”
And they did just that.
Kami was home once more. Another defeat. She couldn’t make it through just one more day. Italian ice was what she sucked on for the first 30 minutes. After that, a 30 minute shower. Her mother email and talked to her father who was greatly concerned about the both of them. Afraid of what would happen next, Kami quickly made it into the hot shower to calm her crying back. She crouched down to the base of the tall container and held her knees to her chin. Such drama should never kill a happy child. The water stung her at first but then turned to falling flowers and cotton candy. Such a wonderful thing it was to be hidden and painless.
She lost track of time, but after she realized that her fingers had lost all natural shape, it was time to end this dream and return to the real world.
As she re-entered the dining room of her house, towel on her head, clean clothes on her body, she sat to absorb the quietness of her safe home.
The phone rang; a ring that would make her cry.
It was a principle. She said that she wasn’t feeling good either but she was still working so Kami should have to go back to school and put up with the feeling for the rest of the day, just like everyone else.
Kami couldn’t help but cry when her mother told her what the lady said and then called her father to tell him to expect a phone call from her.
How fragile this little girl was. She had been a sickly child since she was very young and was known for having long term illnesses throughout the years. Didn’t they know? Didn’t they care?
No, they don’t care. They just want money.
Apparently, they wanted another doctor’s note. The question is, why is it so different for this poor girl to go home sick than it is for another to claim a sore throat or headache and leave without problems? Why? Why?
There was hours of phone tag. Kami simply sat there, covering her mouth with her cold, iced spoon, hearing every word. The whole time she just kept thinking, All things work together for those who love the Lord. What good can come from this? What good?
When the phone had stopped ringing her mother took her to the couch and sat with her while she sobbed quietly. After calming, she rambled off the places she would run away to to hide from the administrators of school if they ever came looking for her. So many places, but would she really do it if they came? Running from the law. Is that what it would be called? A scary thing indeed.
There were eventually more calls and Kami even talked to her father for a while. This made her cry again. He cared so much for her. She hated to put them both through this. 12.30. She would try to go back at 12.30.
That time came, and she did get back in the car with her mother. Though it happened again. They didn’t even make it to the road of the school.
“I can’t make it”
They turned around.
Kami apologized for her illness that she had no defense over. She apologized again and again. She could never say how sorry she was.
“Do we have to go to court? What is PINS? I don’t want to make this into such a big deal…”
It was too late. This event may change her life, though it may be forgotten.
All she knows is that all things work together for good for those who love the Lord.
Prayer. Please. She needs your prayer. She needs to get through just one more day.
-Lise
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.::. Lisa .::. 4:15 PM
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4.22.2005
I have a sudden urge to finish every video game I've ever started. NOT GOOD!! Regents are coming up and I'm going for my permit test today. Need to study! Playing=BAD!
I'm even reading old manga that I haven't touched in a year. I love 'em. I'm backing up my file finally. Hurray for me. But, no! I should be studying.
Gosh, I want to make a comic book.
STUDY!!!
^0^ Let's daydream!
-lise
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.::. Lisa .::. 1:59 PM
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4.20.2005
In general cereal, bad day.
Let's be happy first.
Wicked swimming. Amanda and Shannon are so sweet. Too bad Shannon can't come with us to go permit hunting, but we'll survive. Hopefully they can come over again sometime soon. I just hope I'm not pestering their parents by asking them to come over all the time.
Wicked LAN party. Too bad we didn't play Warcraft but we played AoE instead and some other stuff. Jared too good at that though. I like to build up tech. and stuff but he's all combat. The three of us had to gang up on him to win king of the hill. Jeepers. Daiblo was stuper fun. More co-op. Indeed. That way I won't get killed. Too bad I had to leave so early. Dang work.
Next one, May 19? Hurray
Lameness:
Tried to draw. Blah. I can't oekaki anymore.
Tried to play a game. Game over.
Tried to mope around. Couldn't do it.
Time to sew. Maybe it'll make me feel better.
-Lise
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.::. Lisa .::. 11:21 AM
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4.18.2005
Photo mania. Whoa. Sam is so photogenic.
I need to draw. I tried. I feel crappy today. Fragments. Room time. Tired. Eating. Permit might not make friday. Stupid spring break is almost done. Long fragment. Sew. Maybe I'll sew. Yes. Indeed. Labs. I have to do labs. Gross. Comma,
Non-fragments:
Going to po-po's tomorrow for the LAN part-ay. That'll be nifty. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay though because of all the work I still have to do. Hurray. Warcraft. That's exciting. See? I'm dancing. DDR, I miss you. I think we are conforming back to fragments. Time for a nap.
-lee
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.::. Lisa .::. 7:55 AM
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