10.27.2006
Were you mad at me Friday night?
Of course I was. You were such a jerk to me. Do you have any idea how hard it is to drive when you're in tears? Probably not, since you can brush off people so easily.
You know, I thought there was a friendship. Not some sappy "Friends Forever" garbage that's always floating around, but I thought we could joke together and have some sort of reach into each other's minds.
But you are an Iron Wind, rushing across with such a sweet sound and knocking those down who are before you. It is natural for you. You just watch them pass by, not knowing their names. But they grow when you're there. I wonder if you see it. I wonder...
You don't. It's just another someone. They're all the same and you keep no feelings for anyone, for you are Iron.
I don't understand you. I never will. That's fine. Just stop fooling me into thinking we can.
Kemp, you're killing me.
-lisa
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.::. Lisa .::. 10:20 PM
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10.26.2006
I'm going out of my head. I'm so angry and stressed it's causing me great physical pain. I don't know what to do. There is absolutly no solution for this. I'm just going to have to keep swallowing the pain reliever, saying, it's because I'm tired, and hiding until I leave for whatever college. Even then it won't end though. I'm going mad.
I wonder if I hate you.
No, I don't think I do. Just stay out of my soul. You're tearing me to peices and I'm hurting.
How can other people get saved when they are in this spot I'm in? Why can't someone save me!!
Up until now I've been too mad to cry, but I am breaking. I feel so destroyed.
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.::. Lisa .::. 2:05 PM
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10.21.2006
It snowed last night. It was so beautiful. The ground became completely covered and all became still in the cold sea. It covered all that we once hated, hiding the wrong. We are blank now.
I am going out of my mind. I cannot control myself any longer.
a·void·ance (ə-void'ns)
n.
The act of shunning or avoiding.
Avoidance. This is the disease I've been stricken with, and for this I am being torn apart to insanity.
I feel as though I am drowning and with each precious thing that I hold gets taken from me, it is replaced with a heavy stone. I am sinking. I don't have much left to hold onto.
Yes, I know you understand you are the cause of this. You admitted it yourself. Even so, you continue to push me under further, now that this sin is off your chest.
I can no longer see the light of the sky. Am I gone forever?
There is no hope left. I am just a vessel for my thoughts. The darkness is now my love, and he will never let me go.
Current 5 (RED is changed from last current)
Current Vocal Artist - Eri Kamei, W-inds
Current Obsession - Guild Wars
Current Dance Desires - All of them
Current Pains - heart
Current Desires to Create - None
Current "Childhood" Wishes(things I wish I would have learned as a child) - singing, japanese language, dance
Current "I wish I could..." - draw something(that looks good) original for a change, stop taking care of everyone, stop being a role model
Currently Waiting For - My insanity to catch me, someone to realize how much pain I am in, a solution
Current Fears - Loss of another one I love
Current Laughs Over - Naruto
Current Hair Obsession - Eri Kamei
Current Awesome Manga - Kare Kano, Suikoden
Current Song - Suki Na Senpai, Memory Seishun no Hikari
Current Wannabe - Famous everything(singer, dancer, writer, photographer, artist...), alone
Current Cuteness - Nothing
Current Subscription(wish) - FRUiTS
Current Video Game Wants - Threads of Fate, Kingdom Hearts II, Final Fantasy XII, Valkyrie Profile II
Current Procrastination - Emailing Hiro-chan, english report
Current Obligation - Trying to keep myself alive, being a role model
Current Disgust - My life being stolen from me
Current Style - Slob
Current Question - Why can't you stay alive for me? When will you stop trying to steal my soul?
Current "Will I ever" - Stop crying for her, stop crying for him, find someone to take care of me, see Emily, get away from you
Current Awesomeness - Sasuke
Current Frustration - When will everyone stop dying? Why are you trying to steal my soul, and when will you ever stop?!
Current Anime Want -Scrapped Princess
Current Stuckethness - Cookie and Cream - the Moon boss, Arc the Lad - I forget, La Pucelle - Dragonshrooms ><
Current Tears - Everyone is leaving all at once, and I'll never see them again.
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.::. Lisa .::. 11:27 AM
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