5.30.2005

It's been a little hard since Asher and Erika came home. Actually, it was hard before that, but as far back as I can remember, it's been quite recently that I haven't been able to figure out how I've felt.

This song makes me want to cry. Balto - Xenogears.

But after it gets through the intro I'm okay.

All week Erika has been working really hard on my lab project. I'd worked on it before she joined and got quite a bit done I thought. But we trashed all that and made something better. She made something better. I act as though I don't appreciate what she's been doing all week, but I really do. I'm just a little dissappointed. I really didn't want to have to do this project, I just feel like a free-loader. Like I'll use her skills to get a good grade. That happened with the mask in english last year too. Everyone was so surprised at how well it looked, but I didn't make it. I supervised; picked out a couple things off the shelf.

If it was up to me, I would have used construction paper like the rest of them. I'm not as creative as I appear.

I feel like a liar.

Spring Lullaby.

I wish I had bought something today when we went to the mall. It would have made me feel better. I should have gotten that game. Or that book. But I was trying to be good. It wasn't my money.

But now I think I should have.

I haven't really gotten to talk to Asher much at all since he's been home. We're going to play some warcraft online later. That'll be nice. I miss him and he's right here.

I've been terribly unsociable for a long time now. It unsociable a word?

Someone outbid me in the Guild Wars auction. That's sad. That may have been the only time I could bond with my brother. I'll keep looking.

I'm on disc two in Grandia now. I'm so glad I got it. It was expensive compared to other things i get. I usually don't get something unless it's less then 10$. Which is quite lame. I was looking for a gameboy SP on ebay the other day and thought 15$ was too expensive for mint condition.

I'm a cheapo.

Some people don't appreciate musicals like they should be appriciated. Some people don't appriciate opera as it should be appriciated. Some people are moldy and phantomish.

So... I watched Phantom of the Opera the other day. It really gave me the chills. It's really sad and haunting. Poor guy. Poor moldy guy.

I was planning on ending this entry on a sad note, but I feel better now. Asher and I went out looking for driftwood down the cliff on the fourwheeler. Of course, now I have a gillion bug bites, but it was really nice. I had to duck a lot to avoid being decapitated by branches and thorn bushes. Hanging onto him on there is almost like hugging him.

I hadn't realized what a woodsman he was until now. We went on the rockwall and got some vines to make a rope and he talked about how he had cut sections of grass with a twig and how it was now full grown again after four years. I hadn't realized that there were actually real grapes out there.

He called it paradise. He's right. It's strange to think of him that way. He's from the middle of no where but prefers the woods and fields. She comes from the middle of no where but prefers the city and stores.

It's like green acres.

I'm being scolded again. I'm only scolded like this when I am no longer an only child. I think that's why I would rather be there.

"And lo, the child would rather be from the center of nothingness that she sees as her own paradise."


-lise

0 comments .::. Lisa .::. 7:21 PM
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5.23.2005

No fair. I want to play Second Life but there's no teen grid. Lame. Looks like a bunch of people looking for dates anyway. Gross people. Why can't anyone play a game?
It does look interesting though.

Build what you like, explore as you prefer, communicate across platforms with who you choose, fashion a persona to your exact specifications.

I have a fetish with expressing myself.

I'm terribly frustrated. I blame it on the last weeks of school. Not so much the pressure on me, but on others. This causes them to vent their anger and complain to me because I seem to be the "reliable" one.

I wouldn't say I'm reliable. Heck, I still haven't given Annie her skirt that I told her I would make two months ago. I still haven't sent out Hiroto's birthday presents. His birthday was the 15th.

But besides all this, I'm sick of people talking to me about my friends to me! People complain about the people I spend most of my time with. How can I not be upset!?

Here's some vague detail.

Samantha, I'm frustrated with you. One minute you say you're tired of hearing about something, then you turn and talk about it. Then another time you don't want something to happen, then you greadily prepare for it. You say you have no money. Wait, didn't you say you're getting a new car, computer, and you have a job that pays 50$ monthly?

Sometimes you just make me sick.

But I love you. Just stop being so fickle.

I'm also frustrated that my sister can be so rude.
She scolds me for buying a movie. She scolds my mother for getting me something. She claims she didn't get anything for her birthday. You are one greedy, rude, inconsiderate child. Tell me you deserve more.

But I still love you. Just stop being a jerk.

Oh yeah, and don't assume you know everything about my brother. He's yours too, but that doesn't mean you can read his mind.

It's hard for me to smile at you when you do to me when I know these things. When I know you slapped those words in my face those years ago and now that's how you should describe yourself.


The moral of the story is: Never talk to muff- no... When someone gives you part of their heart, thank them; don't ask for more.



-lisa

0 comments .::. Lisa .::. 9:11 PM
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5.20.2005

Lab class is no place to blog. No. No place to blog.

Dumont looks like a cat.

I talked to Emily last night! Hurray hurray!!!!

And I even got to ... listen to George make strange sounds.


=lisa

0 comments .::. Lisa .::. 9:32 AM
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5.19.2005

I've temporarily stolen Jadlos' lappy so I can vent. Thanks The Jadlos. You have saved the lives of your co-workers.

Not like things have been rough enough, I have to rewrite my CL essay. Not like writing another essay is that big of a deal, it just really is degrading when I even went in to get help on it and it wasn't good enough to even get a grade. Yeah, I cried.

Jadlos, your lappy's "A" key makes noises. I'm using your AIM too.

I'm really freaking out with stress. Not vicious stress either, crying, dying stress. Let me go home. What did I ever do to you, stress.

Sam's worried about me. I feel guilty because I've actually been quite mad towards her general direction for the past few days. She not on my comic list though. I love her. She's sweet. I'm just tired of complaints.

Emily, where are you? I'm tempted to use this phone right here to cell you. I don't why I don't. I have your number right here, the class is in the auditorum. Where are you? I didn't even know you had moved. I should have mailed you. I'm a dork like that though. Get your lisence please. Come visit me. Find a bus. I'm sure there has to be one around that comes here. Start walking, I'll meet you half way.

Asher and Erika are coming up; invite yourself. Please? I miss you like cereal.

I see. Asher's talking to me. Thankyou for your AIM Jadlos. So you haven't moved out yet. Don't have a place. My room is for rent.

3 out of 4 chance that I'll have to take the english final this year. Yep. Yep. I'm starting to hate english. There goes my career.

I was hoping we could go to the Oswego this weekend like planned but seems things have changed. I won't get to visit after all. That's okay I suppose. It would feel weird now anyway.

As much as I've heard about how crappy the place is, I like it.

I'm puppy hunting. After seeing the one in the pet store, I know I'm ready now. No stupid labs. I want my retreiver.

Melchior.

Come to me, dear.

I want you now.



-lisa

0 comments .::. Lisa .::. 11:43 AM
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5.14.2005

I didn't think Dad wanted a puppy. I was wrong. Lori canlled today and said she had just what we were looking for. Apparently a stray wondered into their garage today. They called knowing that we were desperate. It was a good thought, but I didn't really want to hear about it. Yeah, I want a puppy, but I don't want to talk about it.

Dad was concerned. I understand him. I don't want him to be sad.

We didn't accept.

The Greatest American Hero is quite iteresting. Woo woo. But it makes makes me tired.

Hiroto's birthday is tomorrow. I feel bad that I still don't have anything for him. I wanted to have something sent out so he would get it tomorrow, but I haven't even been out to malone.

Emily's birthday is soon too. Again, I need to get out. I need to write her a letter. We haven't talked in a long time. I'd like to call but I don't know her work hours and I don't want to bother her.

That's silly, I know I won't bother her, I just don't want to call at a bad time. Bad times aren't fun.

I'm kind of worried about her. Asher and Erika are going to move. Who knows where. Emily won't be their roomie anymore. She's going to move. Again, who knows where. She can't drive so she can't randomly come visit. Noo buses.

Erk.

So, this is what I call an entry while watching a movie. Yes.


We shall complain about the kayla and friends later.



-lise

1 comments .::. Lisa .::. 7:25 PM
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5.06.2005

I hate being treated like a child. Of course, it doesn't matter what I hate. I just have to act mature enough to get over it. Right, act mature.

Don't hit me. I'm sensitive. Please don't yell at me.

Asher and Erika are home. Why am I not excited? I can answer that myself.

I am selfish. I am prideful. I feel childish when I am around them and the rest of my family. I can only handle one at a time, but when we are together, I feel like dirt.

I'm not treated like it. I just have mental conditions.

"The Girl Who Lost Her Smile"

I know how you feel, Sana.



Let's look on the bright side. I got Grandia today. Let's have a party. Let's go cry alone now. Stupid.


-lisa

0 comments .::. Lisa .::. 11:03 PM
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