6.15.2005
Seems I haven't written in a while. I didn't really want to.
Today was grand. But it really wasn't. Too much waiting. Waiting for the end.
The end of school.
Yes, I am done(though not really; three days left of regents). I am happy.
After school, things really started looking up. Stopped by Bentley's so her and Taylor could sign Chenice's book. Some things I'd rather not write. I really don't want to. Tragedy. That's what it was called. All I could think about was the irony of the events and our current novel; The Great Gatsby. Look it up, kid.
Aside from that, Sam dragged me to the Community Center tonight, and you know what, this always happens. I enjoyed myself more than her. The point of it all was I was supposed to get video clips and photos for her project, but I got caught up in DDR.
-side story though too long to stay on the side-
I actually wanted to go just to show someone up at DDR. She'd been bragging for weeks about how good she was. Frankly, I was sick of it. Through communications, I learned that she's not as good as she claims.
"She's not any better than me."
Are you kidding me? Think a little higher of yourself. That girl really ... is on light?
I guess I shouldn't think lowly of her, she just shouldn't be bragging like that. She could get herself hurt someday.
So, I didn't get to play her, but I watched from a distance at one point. That's all right, I have no desire to. The competition is with her brother.
He's amazing and he knows it. In fact, I think bragging runs in the family. I'm the one who challenged him. If I wasn't rushing will all of that adrenaline, I would have been smart enough not to.
Even before that, I had sweat that was more like just plain water that bubbled up on your flesh generating from every pore of my body. While reading a manual I had to hold the book the length of my arm away so my sweat wouldn't drip on it.
I felt like I had shattered. Not bones, just myself. He put me back in my place, and my place was so far below him.
But I didn't give up, though it wasn't helping my humility attempt with people shouting behind me for me to kick his rear. I knew I couldn't. I wanted to show him that I wasn't all that bad though. I could still play well. Right?
Guys like this intimidate me, though with his obnoxious attitude, I was able to speak directly at him. It was kind of nice. But secretly, I hated him.
I regret to say that I am competitive and not very humble about it. I try. I really do. Problem is, I try with these things too. Trying it what makes you about to do something and do it well. I try. Really hard. That's what my life is. Trying.
I did. I tried. I did all right too. Not my usual self though (I think I was embarrassed and nervous with him towering over me). I'm sure he noticed that I was getting upset though and he laid off the taunts and smart remarks (ex. "I failed this one last time. We can play it that way it will look like I'm doing really bad"). In the end, I think he might have almost respected me. Just a little. At that point we weren't competing, we were playing together. As corny as it sounds, we were a team. But only a little.
I truly can't wait until we play again. He'll be there again next week and so will I. I want to play again. But this time, I don't want to beat him. I want to get better so we can level together. I want to advance.
I am inspired.
I feel like this happened before.
Though... there is one thing I regret, and that is leaving the rest behind. I'm sorry. You can't lean on me forever. Try for yourself.
-end of side story-
She was going to have me take pictures of her and others signing for this song, but she started that stubborn pouting thing she does. She does that a lot; gets herself into a mess and then pouts about it later.
Sam, I want you to read this so you'll know that you were being selfish. You don't know how hard it was for me to not say it to your face, though I still wonder if I should have.
The Phantom of the Opera is there inside my mind.
She was complaining and putting on that face of her's. She claims she's not good enough. She'll never learn in time. She just can't do it.
Pitiful.
This seems to happen every time. And every time she's talked back into it and she does fine. I wonder what trying means to her. Confidence.
Ashley had a good point, "Who's idea was this?"
So somehow it went from being, I'm so bad at this, to Nobody cares about me.
Just what in God's earth can that girl being thinking in her mind? How fickle.
But it's not going to pursue my heart any longer. She has turned to stone and will be torn asunder. Just call for my name. Just say my name, Reki. I can save you.
1 comments
.::. Lisa .::. 11:48 PM
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1 Comments:
Crazy you and your long bloggings...Interesting though.