7.24.2005
I'm wicked bummed tonight. I feel sick, which could be part of it. But I really think it's a lot of Luca. She's making me tired and I get so frustrated with her. I think she's asleep now, earlier than what she's been going to bed at lately. I've started a puppy journal but I don't think I'm going to put it up here. Personal. Maybe later when I think it's ridiculous.Hmm.. sometimes I wish I could stop complaining about garbage like that and write something worth reading. Gosh, this is just making things worse, isn't it?
I think I avoid writing in here is because I know I'm going to re-read it and hate it. That's a little discouraging.
Another reasonis because I can't think of much to write about aside from complaints.
Here's something.
I've been updating my site - http://www.exist-ence.netfirms.com - quite a bit recently. I got a new layout which I am quite fond of. Deja vu though. I think I said that about the last one. Heckle and jeckle, it doesn't matter. I like this and I don't want to have to go through the pain of changing it all over again.
I have a lot done in the photo section and some in the drawings, but other than that, I still have my work cut out for me. I really want to get up my shoppe but I think I'm mostly afraid to. Afraid that no one will come? Afraid that I won't know what I'm doing, maybe. Possibly afraid to part with one of my creations. Afraid of complaints from customers.
I really have no sense when it comes to commerce. I've always been terrible at Sim City. Profit is what I need. Mostly for selfish purposes, Guild Wars, FRUiT-y-ness, things like that. But I've been hit with reality the past couple days and really want to save up for college. It's scary. I hate it when I'm told that I am going to have it the best out of the rest of them because I've seen their mistakes. That's terrifying. I'm not better off than them in any way. In fact, I think I'm doing worse. I have... 300$ in the bank? And it seems that we will have many negatives when I get to college.
I got a little off topic. Let's go back to the reason I want a shop.
There's another money reason that isn't so selfish.
I want to stop asking mom about getting my allowance that is sometimes forgotten and I don't want to have to be payed to work around the house either. I don't want to have to be bribed to practice school related things. I want to be disiplined. Being paid makes me feel weak.
Honestly, when I hear about the "money situation," I'm scared and angry.
I don't want to ask for money anymore. I can survive without it. As much as I want things, it's not good for me. And I hope I can have enough will power to contain myself.
So, I want to be able to support myself. Things I personally want from the grocery store? I want to buy them myself. It's not that I don't want help, I just feel like a burden. My parents don't treat me like one, I just have an imagination.
Like I said, bummed.
Hopefully the DDR party on thursday will go well. It'll just be me, sam, bent, and taylor. I was going to have amanda and shannon up too but they're out of town. I think it might be weird with just us. Like that, it doesn't really feel like a ddr party because we're free to do whatever else, while with other people around, it's like that's what we're meant to do. Maybe it's only my mindset. I just hope Luca doesn't get in the way...
That's how I've felt about her for a while which is shameful. I feel like she's getting in the way of my life. I suppose that's the way life sings when you make a big disission like that. And I love her. That's right, but I'm so torn. Maybe when she's not so hyper anymore...?
I can't figure this out..
http://addictinggames.com/hapland2.html
Now that I feel worse, I guess I'm going to bed. I can't get to sleep this early, but I've been scolded for staying up late. And when they are concerned about my sickness and ask about my sleep patterns, they can't complain.
-lisa
1 comments
.::. Lisa .::. 9:15 PM
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1 Comments:
Have fun with that party, and good luck with the puppy. =)
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8:15 PM