7.05.2005
I feel like a child. What an outburst. I think Claidi-baa has gone to my head. After not being able to sleep for week, I feel pretty terrible.
It's also taken Her 5 days to write back. Two fragments of sentances.
I feel terrible.
I said I wouldn't regret what I said. I don't think I do. It wasn't just from this particular moment; it's been building up for years now. I just couldn't believe that it's how things were.
But I miss Her.
I wonder if confronting Her was a good thing. From a third party I know now what the problem was(this time.) I just still wonder why She never let me know. I guess because it didn't directly involve me....
I wonder what's going on in Her head. I doubt it's bothering her much. She might not even know. But She hasn't called... but we don't phone. Or mail.
I didn't think it would matter to me much because it's been so hard on me(and this whole time she's been oblivious). But I miss Her. She's a freak. That's good. I miss my freak.
I think I got a tan. A little.
What should I do now?
Current 3 (BLUE is changed from last current)
Current Vocal Artist - Shonen Knife
Current Obsession - La Pucelle
Current Dance Desires - DDR at the C. center
Current Pains - just the Heart
Current Desires to Create - Kitty hats, scarfs, patch skirt, snail purse, sketching, bloomers
Current "Childhood" Wishes(things I wish I would have learned as a child) - singing, japanese language
Current "I wish I could..." - draw something(that looks good) original for a change, stop worrying, stop taking care of everyone
Currently Waiting For - card skirt, art book
Current Fears - school, Her
Current Laughs Over - nothing right now
Current Hair Obsession - Asian style, med/short spikey piggies, my own. I love it much. Braids
Current Awesome Manga - Kare Kano, Aria, B.B. Explosion
Current Song - Explosion
Current Wannabe - taller
Current Cuteness - white blocks(WHERE ARE THEY?!?!??!), bloomers
Current Subscription(wish) - FRUiTS
Current Video Game Wants - Phantom Brave, Okage, Threads of Fate, those awesome japanese RPGs that I could never have, Dynasty Warriors 4
Current Procrastination - Exist, finishing scarf, sending letters, breaking it to you, italy photo uploads
Current Obligation - Her
Current Disgust - Myself, Her
Current Style - slob
Current Question - Why didn't you let me sleep? Why am I asking stupid questions? Do you still love me? When will I see you? Where are you?
Current "Will I ever" - sleep again, make comics, sew well, crochet well, look how I want, get a hair person to do what I tell them to do, get over it, make things better between us, see Emily, write again?
Current Awesomeness - Salad, Gunslinger Girl, A&S
Current Frustration - Myself. Why'd I have to get involved? I know why though.. Her
Current Anime Want - Full Moon o Sagashite
Current Stuckethness - Cookie and Cream - the Moon boss, Arc the Lad - I forget, Kingdom Hearts - Hallow Bastion again, La Pucelle - Dragonshrooms ><
Current Tears - I'm frustrated, I'm hurt, I don't know what to do now.
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.::. Lisa .::. 8:50 PM
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